Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
love makes seman taste better
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
