You smell like stripper and shame
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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