i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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