so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
