Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do vagina's smell?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize