I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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