you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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