Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize