Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
