Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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