Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
