NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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