Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
