Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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