I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
