Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
