apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
