I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
