Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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