apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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