I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
