I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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