They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
