My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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