when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
