the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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