I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
