I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
