she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
