In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
