wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
handjob tips. give me some.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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