It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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