he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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