And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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