Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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