your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
