if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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