I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
