I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
