ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize