she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
