I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
