I haven't been this sober since birth.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize