I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
tell me about the eggs
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
