i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
