I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize