this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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