Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
