Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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