It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
