I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
