I am puke
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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