My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
only if we run a train.
done.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
