Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
