took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
