Don't you send me to vm
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
