girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
