it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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