mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
