I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so let's talk penis.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
