There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
