She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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