i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
