8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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