The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
