Apparently you make a good broom.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
