I just made out with a guy for $7.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
