I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
