he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
