yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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