Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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