Is it normal to miss your booty call?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
