Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
