Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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