This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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