what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Church boner. Awkwardddd
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
