You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
