There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
