I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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