Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dick very happy bro
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
