just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
