I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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