I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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