I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
