Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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