Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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