So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
